H. B. D. Three consonants of such variety of articulation as to be nearly unrecognizable as family, like distant cousins dissimilar in every aspect but their handedness or preference for bolo ties. The first with its airy, ephemeral expression in the glottis, followed by the bilabial imprecision of /b/, only to be outmaneuvered by an impudent tap of the tongue at the back of the teeth.
What mysteries are contained within these 3 ancient glyphs? For the answers, we turn to the field of numeroscatology.
OK today's real inspiration is this: yesterday Robyn and I were hard at work painting and scrubbing my apartment when we took a necessary internet break on the fluttering, borrowed signal that sometimes graces my environs. I noticed that she was navigating some website called the “Boone County Memorial.” It turns out that some miscreants in Kentucky have had the whatall to secure the site www.hbd.typepad.com for the purposes of honoring their “war dead”.
From what I can tell, this site is mainly used for the dubious purpose of remembering the brave citizens of Boone County who senselessly gave their lives for causes beyond their understanding or control. While I am as much a fan of heedless sacrifice as anyone else, I think a little propriety is in order.
First of all, who “forgets” to honor their dead soldiers but a bunch of moonshine-addled crackers and most important, what are they doing with such a close approximation of a web address to that of the esteemed Here Be Dragons? And no, I would NOT like to buy a “paver”, but thanks for asking, I already bought a memorial fightin’ stick at the gift shop.
Once the rage of this revelation wore down to a dull and persistent sting, this episode got me wondering about other entities on the ol’ omniweb that may be coasting in the wake of Here Be Dragons. So, here you have it, a comprehensive rundown of startling importance:
www.zazzle.com/hbd+gifts This will-o-the wisp takes us down the rabbit hole to a realm where people are so fucking busy, they need to abbreviate the words “happy birthday”. A treasure trove of useful items is available to the syllabically challenged, including HBD postage (featuring a panda bear who, aside from being a filthy and maladjusted animal, apparently loves you, so congratulations). And look closely: the HBD Grandmother card and the HBD Aunt card are the same image (some kind of trellis, some foliage and a rectangle floating in space with roses on it). Are your aunt and your grandmother the same person? I’m looking at you, Boone County.
Urban Dictionary: HBD At least Urban Dictionary vindicates some of my rage. I especially like the dialogue between X and Y. Apparently the writer was on the same bus I was this morning.
www.hbdbooks.com I can’t figure out what the HBD stands for here, but I can figure out that this guy loves writing about race, racism, racenomics, racialocity and racistics. I felt guilty just for looking at the headings.
Hair By Dan My next search brings us to the delightful world of Facebook, a medium I, like Neil, have chosen to pretend doesn’t exist anymore, though I tolerate others’ conversations about it the same way I tolerate others’ conversations about astrology and “God”, whatever that is. Anyway, this particular Facebook page and HBD barnacle is known as “Hair By Dan”, featuring such compelling updates as the administrator’s latest trip to the beauty supply shop or his recent treatment of a client with split ends. Scroll down further and you’ll be enlightened to the minutiae of celebrity-bashing, and what Dan would do to a particularly atrocious comb-over. More tongue clucking than a coop full of gay chickens.
acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/HBD This is just a catalog of the acronym, but it's nice to see Here Be Dragons listed 3rd on the list. Happy Birthday and Homebrew Digest, we’re comin’ fer yer throats.
Home Brew Digest At first, one would think that a site for homebrew enthusiasts to gather is a natural evolution of a communal hobby. As much as I love beer, I have to say that I don’t think these people should be allowed to communicate with one another. People who make their own beer should stay home and drink it, with the lights off and the internet a distant memory.
http://twitter.com/hbd “HBD” in this case is the Twitter handle for a fellow calling himself “Devin” who apparently lives in “Canadia”. You know, this is the first time I’ve really read a Twitter page. It may be the last. Everyone, just shut up.
www.flickr.com/photos/3ko0osha/4057297461 Good luck with this. Apart from the text being mostly and badly converted from a non-Roman alphabet language and therefore unintelligible (presumably to anyone), you get a niiiice picture of a big “N” on roller skates. Get it?
HBD Inc. I think these people sell bulk items to prisons. Notice the “inmate laundry bag” for sale, as well as the "plastic ladymouth" under miscellaneous. At first I thought this would be the least interesting link on the list, but as I peruse the products available for purchase, I grow aroused and intrigued. Definitely climbing the ladder.
Any additions to the file will of course be welcome. We can’t be vigilant without your help—let’s stop the unfair use of HBD initialism now before it gets worse
Jesse Ackles, Watchdog
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